Waiting for Get up and Go

I've been pretty quiet for the last couple months, but the truth is the issue has been going on longer than that. Without going into all the drama, my motivation took hit a couple years ago when Faster Monkey Games suffered a "creative setback" as one member pretty much decided to go his own way and developed a game and ran his own Kickstarter for it apart from FMG. While he was perfectly within his rights to do so, the result was some hurt feelings and a pretty severe blow to FMG's "normal" chaotic process. In the end, after kidding myself we could limp along, Faster Monkey formally shut down last fall. 

Long story short: It pretty much killed any joy in developing products for me. Now that's on me, not him. My motivation, etc. is my own responsibility and no one else's. Be that as it may, it really sucked the wind out of my creative sails. My writing, mini painting, and gaming has slacked off a great deal.

Fast forward to the present: I've been on (another) hiatus from my regular gaming group. As my former Monkey is no longer part of the group either, the chemistry has changed. Everyone still there are cool people, but when you find yourself in a funk, it's all too easy to find excuses to not do things that remind you of what caused the problem. It's also unfair to the group when I halfheartedly commit to play (or worse, run) a game and then flake out because I'm unmotivated to continue. It's supposed to be FUN, not a chore. The few times I have tentatively hit upon something that kindles a spark, any resistance or setback snuffs it before it can gain traction.

The thing is, I miss gaming. I miss painting minis. I miss writing goofy adventures and putting them up online. I want to want to do those things, but I've had a terrible time summoning the enthusiasm. 

</emo venting>

So here I am trying to move forward a bit. I have two adventures that I had started a little while ago. One for Fantasy AGE and one for Crypts & Things. They aren't any great epics, but both are 90% through first draft stages. I'm setting myself a goal to complete at least the rough drafts and maps before March. I will post both as free pdfs and at least have accomplished that much.

I also have scads of Reaper Bones minis unpainted, with more on the way. I'm going to clean up the painting table and put paint to brush again, even if they end up looking terrible. So a mini a week seems a reasonable goal.

I also signed up to attend Garycon this March. I'm not running anything, but I am going and rolling some dice, darn it!

I don't know if doing all this will help me get my groove back, but doing something is better than to keep on doing nothing. 

Missed opportunities and relief

We (Faster Monkey) were approached by another company to do some work on a large project they were trying to get completed. Without going into a lot of details, such a job would have probably meant a share of the crowdfunding that had been raised as well as being able to sell a version of the product ourselves. It was gratifying to be asked to do this. It was a kind of confirmation that the hard work we put into our own products was being noticed.

At the same time, it would have meant getting up to speed on a large amount of someone else's previously written material, trying to work within the creative confines of that, as well as the timetable the other company was trying to maintain. Definitely a bit outside my comfort zone, but then I am a lazy creature. Nevertheless, we were excited to try.

After some initial back & forth, it turned out that the other group was going to try and keep things more "in-house." I felt somewhat disappointed, but at the same time relieved. I have a couple of my own projects nearing completion, and Mr. Joel has a few large, long term things he's been working on for a while. Part of me would have resented putting our own work on the back burner to satisfy the requirements of this outside project.

Does this mean I would never take on such a job? Of course not. I would rather write my own things rather than trying to adapt to someone else's vision, though. The indie-RPG publishing world is a tiny pond full of some very creative fish, and if we didn't each have our own ideas about things, we wouldn't be doing this.